


War of Heart

by wayward_booty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ficlet, Love Confessions, M/M, intentionally vague plot, just run with it okay, probable plot holes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 03:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10585566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_booty/pseuds/wayward_booty
Summary: God has returned and is restoring order to heaven and the universe. As such, Castiel has been summoned to answer for his original act of disobedience from Heaven at the start of the apocalypse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after the s8 finale, so all plot s9 and up is ignored, but thanks to it being hella vague, can still fit as an 'end series' kind of thing. yay!

"So... What? Is this it? Am I ever going to see you again?" Deans chest is tight as his heart begins to beat loudly in his ears.

Castiel sighs, " I don't know." He keeps his eyes fixed at the tree line behind Dean and gives a noncommittal shrug, "Historically, disobedience has been punishable by death. I managed to escape being held accountable because I left Heaven's order in shambles, but now that God is back... I have to answer for my crimes, Dean."

"Damn it, Cas." Dean runs a hand through his hair and lets a steady breath out, trying to calm his shaky hands. This can't be happening. Not after everything they've been through. He won't let it.

He fixes a look at the three angles standing across the road, waiting to escort Cas back to Heaven, "We can fight them."

"Dean-" Cas looks away, now.

"No, Cas! You did nothing wrong! It's not fair-"

"I rebelled against Heaven, against direct orders-"

"-That were coming from corrupt assholes!"

"That were my commanding officers! Dean-" Cas looks at him with pleading eyes, "-Just... _Please_ ," He whispers.

Dean can see the fear in his eyes, but beyond that, he just looks fucking tired. It's like a punch to the gut.

Dean takes a step back, "Why aren't you fighting this?"

Cas's face crumples and he looks down.

"God, Cas... Of all the fucking times you've left and come back and-and... left again- this can't keep happening. I can't-" Dean's voice breaks, throat tight, "I can't do this."

Cas doesn't move. They stand in awkward silence for a beat. Dean huffs in frustration.

"Look," Dean begins, jaw clenched, "I know you don't feel the same way; you don't need me like I've needed you, but-" Cas's head snaps up, now, eyes wide, and Dean fixes him with an exasperated look, His heart is in his throat. It's not suppose to happen like this. After everything they've been through... it wasn't suppose to happen like this.

"Oh, fuck it, I don't even know, man." Dean thinks he might puke, when all is said and done.

"You think," Cas starts slowly, "That I haven't needed you? That I don't care?"

Dean just looks at him.

"Dean," Cas gives a short bark of a laugh and his face contorts into a sort of grimace, "I don't know if you remember when I found you in Hell, but, I do. Vividly. I knew what you had done, I saw exactly what you had become. I held the broken, jagged pieces of you and put them back in place, and when you were whole you grabbed on to me for dear life and asked me not to leave you there alone. There was such... I don't know how to describe it, but there was something about you, that..." Cas trails off for a moment, running a hand through his hair. It's such a human gesture. It makes Dean's heart hurt.

Cas looks back at Dean in earnest, now, "Pulling you out of Hell was just suppose to be just another set of orders, for me. I didn't think twice and I hadn't particularly cared what was happening to you. But, in that moment, for the first time time... I did. You _changed_ something in me. And so, after I pulled you out, I watched over you. And then I got to know you, and then I disobeyed for you, and rebelled for you, and... fell for you."

Cas looks up a the sky and starts laughing. He laughs and laughs and laughs and raises his hands over his face and suddenly he isn't laughing anymore because his voice is stuck in his throat and what comes out is closer to a sob and, "Father, help me, I fell for you."

He drops his arms and looks at Dean. There are tear tracks making their way down Cas's face, "I fell _so_ deeply in love with you."

Dean stares at him in dumbstruck silence.

"So, I don't know what it is my Father is going to do with me. But, I have to believe he will understand that everything I did was with good intentions. I can't run from Him, Dean, but I can own up to my mistakes and hope that, in turn, after doing penance, I will be allowed to return to your side, free of the weight of Heaven on my shoulders."

Something in Dean's chest breaks, and he lets out a sharp breath. His cheeks are wet, too.

"So, don't you _dare_ think that I don't care, Dean Winchester," Cas smiles, "I would do anything just to be by your side. Including facing Heavens judgment."

Dean opens his mouth to say something, but one of the angels has made his way over and steps in between.

"It's time," The angel says, and puts a hand on Cas's shoulder. Dean feels like he has been kicked in the stomach. 

Dean isn't ready for this. This was suppose to happen another time. Someplace else. Somewhere where they could talk it out. Where Dean would tell Cas exactly how he felt about him, and how long he felt this way. And Cas would say the same. Somewhere where he would ask Cas to move into the bunker, and Cas would say yes, without hesitation, and they'd smile and laugh in happiness, over how stupid it was to have kept their feelings secret all this time. But it didn't matter, because Dean would have all the time in the world to find out what it was like to hold his hand, or what his lips felt like, or what the warmth of his body felt like pressed up against his when night terrors woke him up in the middle of the night and, for once, he found that he was not alone.

Not here. Not like this. 

Cas gives Dean one last small smile, "Goodbye, Dean," and he moves to turn away.

"Wait! Stay- Please!" Dean grabs Castiel by the arm and he can hear how panicked he sounds but he doesn't care.

"Dean-" 

" _No!_ We need more time-"

The second angel appears on Castiels other side and Dean turns to her, "Please, You can't do this. It's not fair-"

"Please, step back," She says evenly and pulls Deans hand off of Cas.

"-No, we need more time! _Please!_ " He pleads. The second angel pushes her hand towards him and an invisible force lands him square in the chest, knocking him to the ground.

" _Hey!_ " Cas growls.

When Dean sits up the third angel has come up behind them and places a hand on the shoulder of each angel. Castiel doesn't take his eyes off Dean. Bright light begins to quickly fill around them.

" _Cas!_ " Dean chokes out.

Cas's eyes crinkle into a small smile, "I love you."

And then the light is so bright Dean has to look away. When he opens his eyes again Cas is gone and it's just Dean next his car along the side a deserted stretch of road. He throws up.

It's 11 miles across town to pick up Sam. When God showed back up, Cas had told them that this was going to be a possibility. They just didn't think it was actually going to happen, much less with no notice in the middle of a beer run. Sam knows better than to say anything. They drive 127 miles back to the bunker in silence.

Dean does not break until that night, when he is in his room, door locked, pillow clutched against his chest because, holy fuck, it wasn't suppose to hurt like this. It is an ugly kind of sobbing. The kind that wreaks havoc on the whole body and that no closed doors or pillows covering your face could smother the sounds of. It's the kind that, at worst, has him hyperventilating and dizzy and, oh god, he might just pass out _dear god please just make it stop_. And, when is all is said and done, leaves his throat raw, with jackhammers pounding in his brain, and the certainty that his eyes will be puffy for the next two days.

He doesn't know if he will ever see Cas again. He never told him that he loved him, too.

Four and a half months later, when there is an unexpected banging on the bunkers door, Dean does not wait for pleasantries. He grabs Castiel by the lapels and kisses him square on the mouth. He finds out exactly what it feels like to lay next to him at night.  


End file.
